Finally, I was joining my best friend in one of his trips to San Jose to enjoy the gay bar scene there for the first time . Yes there is one there. Really, there is… and I wanted to see it.
I have been to San Jose Pride and really enjoyed it. The whole two and half hours I was there.
Well, I met up with him, his date and another good friend of ours in the Castro before we got in his black mustang and headed on the road to San Jose. The fog was pretty thick in San Francisco . It dissipated the further we got south where we could see the stars and the moon.
We knew the night was going to be real interesting one as soon as we entered San Jose and got close to the airport ( the bar is close to there). We were all awed by how close the planes came in to land from where we were at on the road. The lights from the planes were so bright. My best friend’s date piped up ” That is not a plane!” Well, the rest of us knew it was because we could see the Alaska Airlines logo on the tail. He kept insisting it was hovering in the air. Yes, that is right…hovering. Like a UFO.
My best friend asked him what he was on because he wanted some of it.
His date said he wasn’t on anything and that what we saw was not a plane. I thought , well, those aliens branded themselves with an Alaskan Eskimo logo. Does that mean that Alaskans are…
Well, my nest friend’s date kept insisting it was not a plane the rest of the night. Okay, then…
Anyway, we got to Renegades. What I love about this bar it sits right across a huge shopping plaza where there is a Target, a El Pollo Loco, and all those suburbia chain standards. Yes, I was thinking about running over and getting some chicken. Not at the bar, silly. Well, maybe there, too.
We get into the bar which was something like an upscale version of Este Noche in the Mission, with a tinge of the White Horse Bar in Oakland and with a whiff of south of Market. The bartenders match the decor. But ,they are friendly. There is a dark split patio in the back to smoke.
There is a good crowd because Pollo DelMar has brought her Glamazone show in from San Francisco. We are there to watch our close friend, Ana Mae Coxxx perform. Many Drag performers that we know are present. The show is actually quite good. In fact, it really brings up the up the place by several notches. Familiar faces and great performers. There is a guest star from Ru Paul‘s Drag Race.
Drinks there a plenty. Yes, we down a bunch of them.
I meet someone from Hawaii. He asks me for my number. I can’t remember his name now.
There is a guy in a face mask and leather hat ( cute) that passes out great jello shots. Yep we have a couple of rounds of those babies.
The night ends and then we get ready to leave.
However, there is a plan that involves Hobbits. Well, a Billboard for the new Hobbit Movie. We want our pictures with it. It is located by the bar. When we get closer to it , there is quite a space to actually get up to the ladder. So none of us want to do it, except for my best friend’s date. Yes, the one who saw the Alaskan Airlines UFO.
He climbs up the Billboard and he poses and I take a picture. Well, I take a picture of him climbing up the ladder, climbing down the ladder, etc. also. He has a cute ass.
We are hungry so we GPS Map search Denny’s. The nearest one is 10 miles away.
We get there. The waiter asked me what kind of eggs I want. I said water.
I found a picture of mine when I was 21 years old. That was so long ago. Three decades, in fact. Although, my heart and my soul does not feel so much distance from that young man, my life experience is eons apart from him.
That young man had no idea what lay ahead of him when that picture was taken. The life that would unfold was something he would not have imagined.
That picture was taken after serving a two year Mormon Mission. I was back home in Guam visiting my Catholic family after being away from them since I was 17 years old. At that time, I last saw them when I went away to Brigham Young University to pursue a college degree. I took a break from college at 19 years old to serve my two year Mormon mission. I left directly from Provo, Utah to the TennesseeNashville Mission. I remember those two years as some of the best experiences of my life. There is something about service that enlarges a person’s life. It did mine.
He did not know that a little over a year from when that picture was taken he would be married to this beautiful blond haired Italian American girl that he would meet at BYU. He would not believe that about a little over two years from that photo , he will hold in his arms a beautiful daughter and he would be a father.
Even though he had struggle with same sex attraction all his life but never really acted on them, he trusted his church leaders and threw himself into his faith and his family. He believed that he would overcome his “sinfulness” with the help of God.
Little did he know that about a year later from his daughter’s birth, his father would pass away. That would set off a series of events that would cause him and his small family to move back to Guam and break his college education. He welcomed 3 more children. He became heavily active in the Church and in the community.
After a few years, he will return to BYU to finish his degree and to finally seek counseling that would lead to his coming out. At that point, a painful , heart breaking process as his marriage dissolves at a time of no support or real knowledge to handle situations like gay men and their families as they come out.
In his 30′s he will go to the process of being abruptly introduced into the gay world. He will have two live in boy friends. One of them will last 11 years. He will know through that experience what true love and what true heartbreak is in life.
JP now
Now , later in his life he finds himself happy. He is me. I am not 21 and I am glad for that. I look forward to find love again. I am glad for life’s journey and look forward to the surprises ahead because from experience , life is full of all kinds of it.
It was fortuitous that my first visit to the only LGBTmuseum in the nation will also be with my first cousin, Arthur Leddy, who is an out gay man like myself. It was great to share that moment with him as relatives because we now shared a bond in another family, our LGBT one.
The museum is not large but it is filled with a lot of rich, historical material that there is a reverence that one immediately feels when you walk into it. I felt like I was in a place where I can feel the shoulders of those who have gone before me that I stand on now who paved the way for the progress in gay rights that I enjoy in my life.
I know that my architect friend, Steve Const, was instrumental in the design of the museum which created a wonderful flow and openness to the space.
The displays , historical data and pictures also brought a sense that we are indeed a people of a shared past, present and future. You cannot help but be touched by what you see and hear. The LGBT experience, with all its struggles, is also a celebration of the human will and ability to endure and persevere.
It also gave me a resolve to continue to do my part to further the cause of equality and understanding. The tapestry of history shows that despite the darkness of bigotry and devastation of AIDS, our people have survived and thrived.
My cousin, Arthur Leddy, reads a display at the first and only LGBT museum in the world
The museum is a must see for every LGBT and every straight person. It is an American story. It is a world story.
The song has been my favorite of this talented songwriter and music artist‘s long list of tracks. “Lover” moves me in so many ways because of its universal message and especially of its moving message about the love of a same sex couple . The video has a military theme, and with the current DADT debate makes the video and the song even more poignant. It’s pure resonance leaves me beyond tears, but with a sense of sacredness that one hopes to achieve in a relationship of love with someone that is earned.
I have known Tom for some time now. I became acquainted with him and his music on the award winning podcast, Feast of Fun. Over time, I became a fan and then we have become friends. He recently got married to his long time partner and love, Mike. He lives the passion of love that underlies the meaning of this song. I believe that Tom is not only one of the most talented LGBT songwriters out there today but he is also one of the most talented songwriters in the industry.
Watch the video. Visit his website. You will never be the same.
Archbishop Anthony Apuron is shown in this October 2010 file photo. Apuron stated that a "Catholic conscience" doesn't allow someone to vote for a candidate who supports same-sex unions. The church statement was issued with the Primary Election less than a week away. (Pacific Daily News file photo)
In a move that only continues to solidify Guam Catholic Archbishop Anthony Apuron’s longstanding campaign against any form of same sex union legislation approval in the U.S. territory of Guam, recently issued a letter published in the local archdiocese newsletter. The content of the letter, had the archbishop urging the voters of Guam not to vote for any candidate in any political party who supported recently introduced legislation that would support same sex unions. There are at least 13 candidates that are targeted at this point.
Referring to the legislation as “evil” the Archbishop vehemently opposed the support of any candidate who went on record supporting its passage. It has caused an uproar in the small island community because the majority of the population is Roman Catholic. Also, the continuing debate of the heavy involvement of religious groups like the Catholics and the Mormons and other conservative religious organizations in political issues is challenging the perception of the separation of Church and State.
Again, I am particularly concerned and extremely disappointed in this current “witch hunt” mentality that he has launched against political candidates on the island. It will only escalate the fear about the LGBT community and also skew attention away from more important issues like the economy and the pending military buildup on Guam.
This kind of rhetoric will also feed the kind of bigotry that has been heaped upon the gay community which has typically been fueled by words over the pulpit, which in turn, have been used for justification to commit hate crimes by some people. I personally sat through a mass on Guam and heard one of the Archbishop’s letters read about the same sex issue. No message of Christ’s love there, only hate.
As long as the people of Guam continue to let the Church dictate their voting conscience, we will see people discriminated simply because of their sexual preference. The country is making so much progress on this issue, we do not want to see Guam take a step back into the dark ages at the same time.
If this kind of religious lynching continues, Archbishop Apuron will go down in history as one of the most notorious tramplers of human rights on Guam.
I woke up to the feeling of cold air touching my nose. I found myself in my bed here in the San Francisco Bay area. Was it a dream? I turned the light on and there was my Virgin America boarding pass on the night stand. No, it was not a dream. I had just come back from Las Vegas. Oh what a time it was!
Oleg on our Flight to Vegas
I am a Sales Manager for an accounting firm in San Francisco. My boss decided to take our entire office to Las Vegas, post tax season, as a team building morale activity. It was also a celebration of our company growth! It was an opportunity to bond with most of the staff since I was out of the office the majority of time trying to acquire clients.
We all met at the San Francisco Airport and then flew out on Virgin America. I love that airlines. When we arrived at Las Vegas, a little over an hour later, we had a stretch limo pick us up. It fit all twelve of us plus luggage.
We had great music playing on our ride to Ballys. Our boss decided to make a stop on the way there- a liquor store. Yes, we picked up enough booze for a tiny army.
Karine in Limo
some of the gang in the Limo
We checked into Ballys which was still decked out in late 80′s and early 90′s decor but had a charm to it. Our rooms were clean and decent. They roomed me with Oleg. It was appropriate. Although Oleg is straight, he and I are probably the most outgoing guys in terms of going out and liking to party. We made perfect room buddies.
Karine and Steph
Ailing, Amy and Patty
Most of our group were young beautiful women in their 20′s. Besides our boss, the other guys was one of our other accountants who was straight and our gay intern. Our company is diverse with Russians, Chinese, Indonesians, Latinos, Chamorro, Armenians, American Indian and Anglo Saxon ethnic mixtures represented.
I only point out our sexuality because it plays a little into our vacation and because as a group it did not matter. We all were supportive of each other. My boss is gay. Apparently some of my workmates did not know that. Now they do. I outed him inadvertently after a couple of shots of tequila. He didn’t mind. We have been good friends for over ten years. I mean, come on, after spending time with him you know he is one big diva.
Stained Glass Ceiling at Paris Hotel
The drinking began after we settled in and really did not stop until we took off for home a few days later.
We went to a little place in Ballys where they served one dollar Margaritas and one dollar tacos. Then we all went and got dressed up and went to our boss’s suite. We did more drinking. That became our meet up place before we hit each of our planned destinations in our itinerary.
That night we all went had dinner at the Eiffel Tower at the Paris Hotel. That was so nice. I had the Filet Mignon. However the feast at our table included crab, lobster, lamb, various steaks, and of course vegetarian dishes besides the appetizers and all the sides. Then there was the wine and other drinks.
After that we all went back to our rooms. Most of us separated to do our thing for the night. I went to the gay club on the strip called Krave. I had a such a great time. The music and dancing was over the top. I met some nice people. I did not leave until 4 in the morning.
Sunday morning came…okay it was closer to noon, then I went with the gang to a brunch at Ballys. This was going to be a theme of our trip – Food and Drinks….
After brunch we got ready, met at our boss’s suite and took the shuttle over to the Gold Goast Bowling Alley….Yep, we went bowling. It sounds mundane at first but we had a great time. We were playing for money as teams. I actually bowled pretty decent, especially my second game. However, drinking beer and bowling with this group was hilarious. Our team did not get top prize.
After bowling some of us went to O’Shea’s and played beer pong. That was my first time playing that game. I was teamed up with my boss. We had all bonded by that time so playing a game where drinking every time you are in a losing position made this more fun. We won a game and lost more, so you can imagine how much drinking I did and how drunk I became. Let’s say my colleagues know me more than ever now. During the game, they kept telling me not to get distracted ( referring to the Jersey Shore Muscled dudes with tattoos playing behind our tables).
Dimitri and Patty compete in Beer Pong
After pong, we went back to our rooms and then got ready for our meal at Excalibur Tournament of Kings. We were taken in a big stretch limo hummer. I felt like a rock star. If you have ever been to this dinner show. It is a theater type show with audience participation where you watch a King Arthur themed jousting match. The audience is divided into groups cheering for different competitors. Our group cheered for the bad guy. We had front row seats.
The Tournament of Kings
Our team gets ready to cheer...already drunk from earlier activities
Our hero- the dark and evil Dragon Knight
The show is kind of hokey and the food is mediocre. You get to eat with your hands. The Margaritas were good!
The eye candy was great when you look at the performers. My straight male colleagues got some women to ogle. The gay boys and girls had some men ( some shirtless) to enjoy. One shirtless hottie passed in front of us and made eye contact with me and nodded. My straight male colleagues and one of my female colleagues noticed and teased me about it. I don’t really remember too much about the show but I remember that part!
By the time we got back to the hotel, we all just hung out and then we just stayed in for the night.
Too many drinks?
The next morning, I woke up and took a walk around several hotels and enjoyed the scenery. It was beautiful. I caught up with the group for lunch at Bellagio. We then headed out to do some Go Kart Racing at Pole Position. Now that was fun and exhausting. I did not place very high in the race but did improve but we raced around those tracks. One of our teammates even got pulled off the tracks for crashing into the barriers and flipping them off unto his car.
Go Speed Racer Go!!!!!!
After that, we went back to the hotel and got dressed. We went and had dinner at the Alize at the top of the Palms. Again it was an excellent meal. We toasted each other and remarked how great the trip was and how wonderful the year has been for all of us. The view from the top was gorgeous of Las Vegas. I did flirt with the maitre d. He was handsome, so shoot me!
That night I followed my straight colleagues to the hottest new club in Las Vegas called XS at Encore. Wow! It was so much fun! Our boss came with us. Talk about beautiful people all packed into one place. I had to chuckle because I got hit on by this young lady with big “gifts” I told her I was gay and asked her if she had brothers. She did not find that humorous. I already had a tequila shot and a bacardi and diet coke by then. My colleagues laughed because the club is mostly straight but there were also gays in the mix. I thought that these two guys were gay. I mean they looked like they walked out of a San Francisco Castro Street Rainbow catalog. I asked them if they were gay. They said, ” Oh no, Bro…not us!” Then they tried to hit on a couple of girls in my company who promptly ignored them. I mean come on straight boys if you dress like us, girls don’t want to date you -they just want you to help them choose their make up.
Well we were a drunken mess. I was dancing with one of my female colleagues and I was dipping her. When she was about 3 inches from the floor, she slipped out of my hands. She said I dropped her. I did not mean to but she was dropping on the floor on her own about 8 times before that and later the security guard took her out and she was taken back to the hotel. There is a whole story there that requires a whole other post.
The girls in the Limo Ready for a night out
Audrey
Then I found myself alone in a sea of people and pretty soon in a circle of of girls dancing. After freak dancing with some of them. I went looking for my colleagues. I could not find them so I walked out and grabbed a taxi.
Umbrellas at the Palazzo
I went to to Krave hoping to dance more there. It was closed. I decided to go to Piranha , another gay club. There was good music and a good crowd. I remember speaking to some people and dancing. I do remember catching the cab home.
The next day, I received the following on text.
” Miguel, It was great meeting you at Piranha last night. You are a great kisser. Call me. xo Mark”
Apparently, more happened. Why did I say my name was Miguel?
There is so much more I can write about this Vegas trip ( some of it I will keep private). There are so many stories about my colleagues and I. We just had a great time and we became closer. I think I am going into the office today really knowing them better and appreciating the great people I work with!
Thanks, boss for the trip!
Now where are those Ruby Slippers. I want to go back.
I got on the roller coaster of Saturday in the Castro with my funky bunch of friends and the ride when up and down, side to side, backwards and forwards. Oh did I say it was mainly caused by that little sprite of a tornado named Squeaky.
He made Hurricane Katrina look like a prayerful nun who took a vow of silence. A few drinks and that boy was jumping around the bar and manhandling women ( and he is gay).
Before you knew it we were on our way to Marlena’s to see Ana Mae Coxxx perform in the Hayes Valley Follies. Wade, Georgie, Squeaky and I took a cab. Squeaky stuck his head out the window and started shouting lovely words like “Stupid” and “Shut Up!’” at people we were passing by.
When we arrived at our destination, we still had time before the show started. I took Squeaky into the restaurant next door to eat to see if that will help him get sober. He wanted to eat french fries. He was calling random friends on his phone leaving interesting messages. He then went out to the patio section of the restaurant and did not return.
Georgie came into the restaurant. I gave him the french fires to hold since Squeaky had not eaten them. I went to look for Squeaky. I called his name in the patio section. No one answered. I could not find him.
I left the restaurant thinking that Squeaky had also left it. I found Georgie outside, who promptly told me he ate all the fries. He said he was hungry.
I went into Marlena’s and found my best friend, Chris there. I told him that we could not find Squeaky. He said that was not good. We all went searching again.
I peeked my head into the patio section of the restaurant from the outside and asked the guy sitting there if he had seen someone that looked like Squeaky. At the same time, Chris heard a voice yelling “Someone help me!” He made a beeline into the patio and found a drunken and wasted Squeaky.
Like a drill Sergeant, Chris took command and got Squeaky to follow him back to his car and took him home. I later found out that Squeaky basically heaved up his lunch the whole way back and at Chris’s apartment. Nice.
Chris eventually made it back to Marlena’s. The show was especially great! The performers were on fire! Ana Mae Coxxx was her usual fabulous self. The others also also gave some over the top great performances. We heard Queen and Journey songs. We also got some Judy Garland and Country Music. The whole place was rocking and dancing. It was so much fun to release the stress and wildness of the earlier evening.
Georgie left. Chris stayed most of the show. There was a lot of good natured flirting and fun! Wade found him a little Latin fun!
When the show ended, I waited outside seated on a bench. I was joined by some nurses and their friends. I was waiting for my roommate to pick me up. During that time this nurse named Rey talked to me and gave me his number and asked me to have dinner with him next week. I think I will take him up on that offer. It was not a bad Saturday night after all.
I am an avid book reader. There are books that capture me from the first sentence and are hard to put down. Joe Dallin’s “Perfect” is one of them. Part of the reason is that I met the author many years ago in Portland through a mutual friend of ours attending our first Affirmation conference. Also, I have enjoyed Joe’s email travelogues of his world travel adventures. He is an excellent writer and this book is more proof of it.
Joe was born into a heritage of deep Mormon roots and was named after the first Mormon Prophet, Joseph Smith. He lived in the predominantly Mormon populated Utah.
On the surface, he looked like your typical born and bred Mormon Utah boy. He even went on a mission for the church and and had a girl waiting to marry him when he returned home.
Beneath the surface, he was a young man who struggled with same sex attraction and the jaunting weight of a Church that taught that homosexuality was one of the most vile of sins.
Whether you are Mormon or not, the struggle that Joe goes through, that is described and brought to life in his book, is a story that every human being who has had to deny their true self can relate to at every emotional touch point.
The importance of faith and his feverish attempts through prayer to change is so monumental considering how long and how young he was when he took on his battle.
His love for his family and his honesty about the pain and the eventual growth in their relationship is searingly and refreshingly honest. His book is a testament to a family of faith giving in to love to guide them to understanding.
Author Joe Dallin
Joe’s journey was especially touching to me. Our coming out process was different in ways. I came out of a marriage. I was a Mormon convert. However, there were many things that were similar.
The internal, bitter struggles between the desire to change and the struggle with faith as he described it, I could have written with my own hands.
I also broke down in tears when he spoke about the point in his life where ending it seem like the only option. I have been to that dark place. I wept because being part of that alumni of hopelessness shows how far this self hate can go when we believe the messages given to us by society.
I also can relate to his discovery and epiphany of being loved for who he was inside. He was not a mistake. His same sex attraction was a beautiful part of his person and he had every right to his happiness. He was able to find a partner that he loves and is with him today.
The story is a love story about Joe loving who Joe is totally and completely. It is the most beautiful kind of love story that every human being can find and experience.
It is a coming out story. It is a love story. It is pure inspiration.
Note: To order Joe’s book, ” Perfect” Please visit the following link :
The March For Equality at our Nation’s Capital today for LGBT rights and equality overall recognizes the historic steps that have taken place and also the major hurdles that need to be overcome towards full legitimacy in our society. President Obama this weekend has far reaching statements about ending the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy in the military and also about recognizing the rights of gays to be married. Progress – Yes. Reality – Not Yet.
This is the big civil rights movement of our time. With the economic recession and health care burden bearing down on all of us, we have this fight for human dignity and recognition marching on in vigorous force. It is a grassroots movement of gays and straights, all Americans who realize that a democratic society who segregates and discriminates against the few, is not living up to its grand ideal.
The issues surrounding LGBT rights have been deeply mired in the interference of the right wing religious political agenda. Conservative theocratic forces have been the driving opposition which has been actually the tradition in most anti civil rights movements in this country. It has been more about change in power structures than theocracy that has been the underlying motivation. More hate rhetoric has been spewed in the name of Jesus woven into fear propaganda campaigns appealing to the the lowest level of media lynching of the gay community.
The collateral damage over the years has been hate crimes against LGBT individuals, high LGBT youth suicides, discrimination on all levels, and even murder. Yet upon the shoulders of the martyrs and those who have fought diligently, we have been able to see things change. Our voices have gotten louder and we our courage has gone up a notch or two.
For those of us who are unable to march with our brothers and sisters in Washington D.C. today, we want you to know that march with you in spirit and in pride. We support this great cause for the rights of all LGBT people. It is more than a fight for our civil rights, it truly is for Equality for all. March on, March on, March on.
