A Heart Don’t Break Even

Artwork by Steve Walker

The Script , that wonderful music group, with their powerful songs about romance and heartbreak have resonated deeply with my personal journey.  I have progressed so much, in moving pass the  heartbreak of the break up of a relationship,  but there are times when emotions get the best of me. My counselor says that is normal and that sometimes the period of grieving over a relationship that has been wounded or annihilated takes longer and you have to come back to it occasionally to stitch the last remaining wounds.

There are some friends who get impatient with me when I get into that funk. They always ask me what is wrong or simply tell me abruptly to get over it and move on.  Some tell me to take another drink to feel better.  What they are really saying is that they do not want me to rain on their parade or deal with my shit.  I understand but it does not help.

I mean I look back and the first opening of my heart was to someone who lived thousands of miles away in South Africa.  There were just inklings of possibilities and that person returned to his boyfriend.   However, my heart actually entertained the possibility of moving on so I was grateful for the experience.  It may have seemed like a silly notion to others that I would have entertained such an idea with someone who lived so far away but the heart  is not limited to distance.

I have recently tried to date again and it has been interesting territory.  I feel vulnerable and in a world dominated by superficiality in relationships that seem to begin and end in 24 hours,  I  am trying to not fall into cynicism.

When my heart broke, it was not even.  My ex partner seemed  so much more assured of  what he wanted.  I still am challenged. I know what I want.  I do not want superficiality but something deeply authentic. However where to find such a thing is more of the issue.

So during those moments when tears come, I ignore the insensitive  comments of some, and simply walk through the emotions , and heal the remaining wounds.  I find that by facing them head on,  my heart, although vulnerable, becomes more open,  and with that love is possible…again.

6 thoughts on “A Heart Don’t Break Even

  1. Hang in there, JP. This is never fast or easy. Like any loss, it never completely goes away, but recurrences become less and less frequent over time. What’s important is that you have an outlet to express your emotions when they surface, and I am always deeply suspicious of anyone who can just say “get over it,” which usually means that they are either incredibly naive, incredibly shallow, or incapable of feeling empathy for anyone. But you have a very healthy and positive outlook on things, and are willing to deal with life head-on. That kind of authenticity is hard to find.

  2. Pingback: If You’re Challenged With Love Vs. Greed, Say This | The Palin Express

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