My son Andrew and me

In the gay world my younger friends love to throw words at me sometimes ( in their attempt to tease or insult me)  like  ” Daddy”  , “Grandpa“,  “Old Man”  like  they were bad words.   Partly it is a reflection of the broader youth obsessed culture we live in and also it is magnified several times over in the gay culture, where we still live out of the mainstream and struggle with our own dysfunctionalities in our community.

My youngest, Clarissa

However, those same words don’t bring me sadness or hurt, but bring me joy in my life and on this day that celebrates Fatherhood, they are very poignant to me.   Yes, I was married with four children when I came out.  I have written other posts about that and will not speak to that here.

What I will speak to is this wonderful gift to be a father  to my four children : Annette, Rachel, Andrew and Clarissa.   I remember holding each of them the day of their births.  I look back to those wonderful moments.  There is nothing that can describe what it feels like to hold these beautiful babies in your  arms and to know they are yours. I remember the weight of responsibility I felt to provide for them but to also love them. It did not feel like a burden but this unconditional desire to make sure they were taken care of , protected and just given the the best I could give them.

Me and my daughter, Rachel

Each of them had their own personalities.  Nothing can replace reading stories to them in bed, the scene of a house filled with toys strewn everywhere,  the hugs daddy got when coming home from work,  the many crayon original art drawings of daddy/dogs/cats,  the Daddy/kids Disney movie dates, the soccer games of each of them with Dad screaming at every goal they made, the tickle wrestles on the floor,  playing catch at the park,  Daddy breakfast time,  and the list goes on.

Even after the divorce,  as difficult as that was and with some adjustment,  the bond with my children has become stronger than ever.  They are always in my life  and I am in their lives . There have all grown up now.

My oldest, Annette and I

What happens when you are a young dad is that you become a young grandfather. I have two of the most beautiful grandchildren.   What is funny, is that I do not feel old at all.

Today, my children send me cards and give me calls to wish me Happy Father’s Day.   Often people ask me what does it feel like to be a gay dad.  I think, well it probably feels the same as being a straight dad.  One difference is maybe is that some in the gay community may tease me that  it is detrimental to be a daddy or grandpa.  They never have gotten it so wrong.  I have never had more joy in my life, more love and fulfillment because of my children and grandchildren.

Today I celebrate having them in my life…they are the center of my heart.

For your information, my dating and love life are going strong as ever.  Just saying.

Happy Father’s Day To Me!

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