The temperature on Friday reached 96 degrees in San Francisco.  This was an August day that was all about heat. It translated to the tone of the night when my best friend “Jonny” (name has been changed to protect the guilty) and I hit the Castro District after a busy week of work to blow off some steam.

The air was hot and damp when we met up to go into our first watering holes to get some drinks. The boys were out.  Summer had finally hit our city. Clothes were at a minimal and you can see the sexual tension in the way everyone was moving about the place.  Embers just waiting to ignite!

Jonny had recently broken up with someone so he was really on the make to have some fun. If you know anything about my friend he is one of those gay guys who simply walks into a bar and attracts a bunch of guys to him.

Sometimes it can be a problem because some guys get obsessive about him.  Jonny has a good heart but he hates confrontation or making someone feel bad. When he is not interested in a person it takes him a long time to actually tell that person, so he plays this dance of avoidance that gets him in trouble.

Also, because he gets a lot of attention, some of the guys cannot stand it and there is all this drama around him. You can only imagine some of our nights out on the town.  He is my dearest friend though and he has always been there for me.

So with the heat up, I knew things for Jonny were going to be spicy tonight. That is when some weird reality show became our life.  We met “Chatter Boy” (Name has been changed to protect the stupid). He was this dark guy.  Not a surprise. Jonny is attracted to and loves Hispanic guys or guys that look Hispanic.   I thought he was alright looking but Jonny liked him so that was okay. My buddy needed a distraction tonight.

Then this guy started talking, and talking, talking.   Oh my God!   He kept talking, and talking and talking!  Then I really looked at him. Chatter Box had these really big eyes. One of them looked bigger than the other. It reminded me of Marty Feldman eyes. It kind of freaked me out. Of course, I already had a couple of drinks by then ( ok, more than a couple).  The talking and the eyes were getting to me. I wanted to leave.

I tried to excuse myself but Jonny would not let me go.  Instead he suggested we go to a club called 440. This was kind of a club in the Castro known for a more bearish scene.  Because of the heat, a lot of the guys had their shirts off and we found ourselves in the midst of a herd of shirtless, hairy chested men. I was in heaven.

I was enjoying my new environment. However,  I could hear in the background, above the grunt talking of the herd and the music, the annoying non-stop banter of Chatterbox. I had to leave! Again, Jonny stopped me and told me to go with them and get some pizza.

So I did.

I ordered my pizza first at the Pizza place and sat out in the bench in front of the store. I had a brief respite from Chatter.  I was flirting and talking with some of the people passing by on the sidewalk.

Then Jonny and Chatterbox come out and sat on the other bench.  Chatter talked about his big beer can organ.  Yes, intelligent conversation.  Also, those eyes…

I saw Jonny also getting a little annoyed in the face by the non stop talking of Mr. Chatter Box.  Jonny was also being cruised by this very handsome Italian guy who did two pass bys and smiled at him. Jonny smiled back and he was interested.

I stood up and like a good wingman asked Chatter if I could talk to my best friend alone for a second on a personal matter.

I instituted “Spidaa” alert.   “Spidaa” is a term we use for someone who you end going home with for a one night stand  that you really have no interest in – but somehow they were able to lure you into their web and get you.  I asked Jonny if Chatter was a Spidaa especially when he was interested in Italian boy.

Before Jonny could answer, Chatter Box interrupted us. He must have known I was untangling his web. Jonny decided to leave with Chatter.  They wanted me to follow but I dodged that bullet and lost them.  I slipped into Q bar.  I enjoyed the rest of my night with no chattering. The Castro heat burned on that night.

Post script:  Jonny went home with Chatter.  They did it.  Jonny called him a Spidaa. He never wants to see Chatter Boy again.