Alone


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Last night, I was in the wrong state of mind and was drinking. I was among friends and acquaintances but felt terribly alone.  Everyone was talking to me about their issues and their lives. My cup was full.  I needed a listening ear but could not find it.  Let me put it better, I could not trust anyone with listening to me.

Of course all this was playing out in my mind.  Intoxication can bring out the sadness to the surface but never the solution. All around me was empty glitter and people.  I listened to so many stories.  I felt like a library being filled up.  Normally, I loved being involved in developing these connections but all I wanted was to be held and to be heard.

Hurt turns into anger but it does nothing nor does it solve anything.  I am me.  I am a survivor. I make my own destiny.   No one can make me happy but myself.

This morning I woke up with fresh eyes and a new confidence…and soberness.   Thanks goodness for the dawn.

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2 thoughts on “Alone

  1. When in a good mood, imbibing in spirits is medicinal…. conversely, in bad, it is poison. I find that that’s often the case with me. One can feel alone in a room full of people. Existential angst, perhaps….. been there myself. Kierkegaard says that each individual has the responsibility of giving one’s own life meaning, and to live that life passionately and sincerely….. but also to be aware of the obstacles – despair, angst, absurdity, alienation and boredom. Your sensitivity and awareness are what makes you a good friend to others. And for some odd survival reasons, things almost always seem better the next day, don’t you think?
    Reading your note reminded me of one of my favorite poems…. thought I’d share it with you. Hope you like it.
    “Salutation to the Dawn”
    Look to this day!
    For it is life, the very life of life.
    In its brief course
    Lie all the verities and realities of your existence:
    The bliss of growth
    The glory of action
    The splendor of beauty
    For yesterday is but a dream
    And tomorrow is only a vision,
    But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness
    And every tomorrow a vision of hope.
    Look well, therefore, to this day!
    Such is the salutation to the dawn.

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