I held him tightly as tears flowed from our eyes last night. I have always known that honesty and open communication were the keys to making progress, but with it comes the cutting edge of clarity. In our case, clarity brings change. Change is painful.
What has been two and, actually four years , of very weak communication and poor decisions in handling challenges in our lives have spiraled key components of our relationship to an irreparable place. There is still love, actually lots of it. However, love is not enough.
There is friendship and family-hood because of our closeness that runs deep. There is tenderness , admiration, protectiveness and even loyalty. What has been damaged has been the intimacy that comes with lover-hood. It runs deeper than sexuality. It is that bond, that with nurturing , matures a love affair over a lifetime, so that even on twilight of one’s waning years an aged couple still looks at each other freshly with the hearts of Romeo and Juliet. It is a love earned and not neglected.
I hold onto him with deep regret for the wonderful promise that used to be us. I hold onto him for the happiness I want him to have and learning to accept that it must now be without me as his lover but now as his friend. I, too, will have to take that same journey without him in that role.
Tears flow freely between the two of us because of all of it. The release of honesty is flooding everything. I hope we do not drown in it but find a baptism of sorts into new lives for both of us.
I love how u write! It will all be okay!
Thank you, Georgie. Your support means so much.
I also love your writing.. how much for you to write my midterm paper next month, lol.. but seriously your writing is too chic to repeat! 🙂
Thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate them.
I agree with George about your writing, especially the raw but eloquent emotion in this post. The imagery of the flood of honesty, and the unexpected parallels of the drowning/baptism was impressive.
I can only hope it was an exercise in fictional poetry, as it were, and not truly autobiographical. However, if not, then rest assured, everything can work out for the better, if not necessarily how we want.
Thanks, Robert. Your comments meant a lot. These words are based on truth.
Your words put everything into perspective. Others would have been hurt (not saying you are not) by two people having to move on. But your writing has lead me to believe you see the importance and have come to terms with the choice. I don’t know you, but I love how you think.
Thank you so much for your comments. This is a very difficult time but there is still love there and ultimately what is wanted is what is best for each person. Looking and working pass the pain is a step by step process.