I held him tightly as tears flowed from our eyes last night. I have always known that honesty and open communication were the keys to making progress, but with it comes the cutting edge of clarity. In our case, clarity brings change. Change is painful.
What has been two and, actually four years , of very weak communication and poor decisions in handling challenges in our lives have spiraled key components of our relationship to an irreparable place. There is still love, actually lots of it. However, love is not enough.
There is friendship and family-hood because of our closeness that runs deep. There is tenderness , admiration, protectiveness and even loyalty. What has been damaged has been the intimacy that comes with lover-hood. It runs deeper than sexuality. It is that bond, that with nurturing , matures a love affair over a lifetime, so that even on twilight of one’s waning years an aged couple still looks at each other freshly with the hearts of Romeo and Juliet. It is a love earned and not neglected.
I hold onto him with deep regret for the wonderful promise that used to be us. I hold onto him for the happiness I want him to have and learning to accept that it must now be without me as his lover but now as his friend. I, too, will have to take that same journey without him in that role.
Tears flow freely between the two of us because of all of it. The release of honesty is flooding everything. I hope we do not drown in it but find a baptism of sorts into new lives for both of us.