This has been a real interesting week for me. I have been able to meet some new people who have come into my life and also experienced some real moments that have given me new direction and perspective. It has been a very good week for me.
For a long time I have been facing the future with some trepidation, feeling that some major changes that have occurred recently in my life , had such an impact on my future. It was a future destined to be something less than I dreamed it to be. When you look through those pessimistic lenses, life seemed to be filled with greyness.
Also, I have been trying to stretch myself emotionally on top of all of this in trying to be there for everyone , and frankly, I could not be there. Some have been disappointed. In time, they will understand that is has not been because of my lack of love or commitment to them, it is simply because it was hard for me to draw down into a well that was emptied by so many people needing my attention. I simply reached the point where I needed time for me to regenerate and to come back to a place where I could bring myself back to where I could truly give again. I am almost there.
One of the wonderful things this week was to spend time with people who saw me in a way that I have not seen myself in a long time. Those of you who have been reintroduced to the dating scene again ( I am not talking about the hooking up scene) but I am talking about when you meet and enjoy the company of individuals who are interested in you genuinely. This week has been like that for me. It has been so refreshing and it has brought so much perspective to my life. I see my future in such a different light now. It has a been such a long time since I have been in this space.
I love the company of my friends and the socializing that we do, but sometimes, I have gotten lost in all of it. As fun as all of it is, it is far from where my genuine self exists. I have lived my life so much longer and have experienced so many things. I want so much more and desire something more in terms of who I picture myself with, and this week, I actually see potential.
Now, I do not see any of this happening overnight. This will be a long process because I am not ready yet. My heart is not ready yet. I still need a lot of healing and growing. I need to know how to trust again. Yet I believe in all of it. I am not cynical. I have not lost the desire to put myself out there to find companionship and love.
I want to Live a Little.
If I do, I hope to…
Love a Little…
I smell a lesbian brewing!! Lol just kidding love u bff!
Ha! Ha!, Chris… Love ya, too!
I really like this post. I get your blog post sent to my blackberry via email and I find your personal stories and thought to be up lifting and sheds positive light my way. Thank you!
Thank you, Scott.