I Am Changing

Who knew that at a drag show at a small bar in San Francisco called Marlena‘s, I would have a watershed moment?  It took a good song ” I Am Changing” from Jennifer Hudson‘s character Effie in Dreamgirls and an outstanding drag performer, Ana Mae Coxxx to lip sync it with such dramatic perfection to do it.

Ana Mae Coxxx

All I knew, I was lifted out of myself and everything I have gone through this past couple of years culminated in an emotional explosion that had tears streaming down my face.  I realized how much stronger I am now.

I have made such strides out of heartache and have realized such self worth, it has been so wonderful.  It has been excruciating peeling off the habits of negativity but I  feel like I have broke through that cocoon.

I glanced at the superficiality around me and I knew what I wanted was something real and enduring.  I can wait for that and I know it will come.

I looked at my friends around me and realized that the reason I come to Marlena’s is that it has become a refuge for me to simply be.  Here I am simply in the background and enjoying the show.  That is so different from my regular work week where I am always front and center, leading groups or networking.

I engaged in conversations with two straight military guys who were there supporting our mutual drag performer friend, Victoria Glass.  I danced with Alisha, this bright spirited young woman.  I talked briefly with a few of my fellow members of the Haus of Coxxx and enjoyed their company.  I enjoyed the celebrations of birthdays. I got lost in the simplicity of good company and a fun show.

However, tonight,  the safe refuge became revelatory and my heart was filled so full that I had to leave after the song.  I wept all the way home.  I was not sad.  I was happy.  I was changing.  I was changing for the better.


Ana Mae Coxxx is also running for Grand Duchess for the Ducal Court of San Francisco. This organization does tremendous work for charities.  For you who live in San Francisco. Please vote for her on September 18th. Please visit this site for more details.  :  Ana Mae Coxxx for Grand Duchess

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