Topsy Turvy

What I love about my personal life is that it can take me for a loop within days from what seems like some solid movement and then suddenly change over .

I have someone who broke my heart after 11 years of a relationship last year making efforts to reach out to me again and repair things.  There is a huge trust issue to overcome and yet he is managing to maintain a determined effort surprising me with his thoughtfulness and concern.  I am proceeding cautiously and yet  never would have believed it would even be this positive.  However this story rolls out it is a lot better place for both of us.

The new guy who I thought had come to into my life in the most wonderful way, first lost his job and then became distant and now is breaking lunch appointments and is now moving away.  He is apologizing to me saying I came into his life at the wrong time because he has so many things to take care of himself.  He keeps so many things to himself that I am not sure what he is telling me is the truth.

Again, with the truth thing.  I hate being lied to by people I genuinely care about.  My heart closes off and it is hard to recover from that kind of betrayal.

Anyway, I deal with this topsy turvy turn of events and I just drift off into not wanting to pursue anything or anyone. Perhaps because of the burn factor that comes with trusting too much.  Maybe I just need to heal more emotionally.  All I know is that these latest round of events leaves me just exhausted of this whole merry-go-round.

I do not want to fall into cynicism but I am less believing.

Perhaps after a couple of days, I will feel better about all of this personal stuff. Today is not the day.

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