Tumbling Onward


2012 started not exactly how I expected. I am still adjusting to its thunderous entrance that I set in motion in my personal life. The best way to describe the way it feels sometimes is like a tumble.  At first, the direction was not clear because my vision was impaired wet with tears.  However, that has stopped and now the tumble has turned into the rumble of a locomotive moving forward.  I just am working to make sure it slows down to a manageable pace.

What happens when the picture you thought you were painting for your life completely changes? You pick up a blank canvas and paint a new one.

As I look back,  I can see where the  cause of the tumble was bound to happen.  Oprah calls them whispers.   These are those thoughts or silent voices you hear over time in your head and your heart that call out to you to make a change or changes in your life.  Sometimes you ignore them, and if you do, they turn into shouts and thunderous screams until you pay attention.

I have had these occurrences happen over my life. Sometimes the change came with the encouragement of whispers and others came after the thunder.  In this most recent incident, they were something inbetween.

Everything might look right and in many ways feel right, but there are elements that are not.  These elements are important enough that if you simply glide over them they will continue to fester and cause much more major damage later because they slowly deteriorate everything else that is good.

I have learned to never ignore the whispers.  I am hoping better to recognize them and to listen to them.

The challenge now is to move wisely forward and to work on myself.   These take time and my heart is not ready yet for anything heavy. I want my sabbatical where I can deep down to quench my thirst to fill my emotional reservoirs so love may be mine to give fully and completely again.

It will be a time when the tumbling will stop.

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