The Longing and the Love

“JP, be true to yourself.”

I have let that mentoring admonishment guide me from those whose friendship and advice I have valued. It has also come from the Jiminy Cricket voice inside me which has sometimes help to navigate me through difficult decisions, especially those of the heart. Where the pain of the decision needed a leap of faith and the strength of the conviction behind that statement needed to be cemented.

It is sometimes a lonely position to take because it means removing yourself from a place where you have had companionship and even love, or some semblance of it. It could have all deteriorated, but you were used to it. Weaning yourself away is sometimes hard, and yes, lonely. You eventually find out it was the best thing to do. It is not always pleasant but life wasn’t constructed to be all sweet. Darn it, right?

Sometimes the “aloneness” comes in waves. It can be at its heaviest even when you are surrounded by friends. I guess it is normal to feel this from time to time.

I have had my share of dates and liaisons. However, I know at my core, I do my best when I am involved in a meaningful relationship. I can only operate on a superficial level of existence for a certain period time and then I feel myself turning inward, and becoming less likely to reach out to someone in a meaningful way. I have to work hard not do have that happen.

There were a couple of recent relationships that looked promising and could have become serious. However, due to some things, they just didn’t.

In the meanwhile , I am trying to focus on my own self development and my career. So when the loneliness seeps into my consciousness , more importantly, the longing for that which is more significant, my heart will remain open.