They are creepy and they can get you in their web if you are not careful.  I am not talking about spiders….the insects you can squish with your foot.  I am talking about “Spidaas”    What is a Spidaa?  Read on.

Although originating in the gay Castro Neighborhood, this term can apply to the straight world as well.

A Spidaa is a person who you are not attracted to who tries to get you to like them, sleep with them or love them through cunning , sneakiness , ruthlessness, pestering, obsession, etc.  The sad thing is sometimes they spin their web craftily on you that you get caught and live with the regret afterward.

When you are out in the weekend at clubs or bars, it is that certain  guy (or girl) that comes at you  and you are not feeling the same about them.  They try to get your attention.  They come into your space.  They do everything they can to make you their catch for the night or worse, forever.  They seem to become more sinewy and their eyes seem to get larger as they use every tactic on you.

The drunker or more stoned you get the more vulnerable you are to get stuck in their web.  Then it is too late. You have become Spidaa food.

You will be wondering the next day why you slept with that Spidaa.   You will get a zillion Spidaa text messages because a Spidaa’s hunger is never filled.  They call you, email you,  pursue you on face book because, of course, you gave them all your contact information  ( drunken stupidity plus Spidaa trance!).  Spidaas cannot take No for an answer.

And do not get a  Spidaa  MAD!   A Spidaa scorned is a mean bitch!   If you slept with a Spidaa or lead them on and then drop them……get ready for the firestorm!

There are many types of Spidaas.  Here are some identifiers:

The Runway Spidaa

This is a Spidaa that  does a pass by anywhere you happen to be in the bar or club on any night you are out.  You move a spot and they magically appear.  Then they walk pass you a couple of times looking the other way like they do not notice you.  Often times you move to avoid them. They find you like they have an internal GPS.

The Hypno Spidaa

Okay, these Spidaas can be the most unattractive people to you but something in their voice or eyes keeps you with them.  They use flattering words and they like to get you drunk.  They also claim you in a stealth way pushing all competition aside. You find yourself unable to move.  It is like you are hypnotized.   These are the ones that take you home and you wake up the next day realizing that you had sex with someone who reminds you of Gollum in the Lord of the Rings.  You will not be able to get rid of that nauseous feeling for a couple of weeks.

The Whiny Spidaa

These Spidaas are like your over the top fans.  They are like little puppy dogs that come around for any piece of attention they can get from you.  Their voices go a couple of octaves higher in excitement every time you give them some of your attention. At first it is ego boosting, then their obsession gets annoying.  Pretty soon it is like you have a monkey riding your back.  They stick to you like glue and they sound whiny and you just want to hide from them.

The Bridal Spidaa

The wedding ceremony happened the first time the Spidaa laid eyes on you.  The Spidaa already planned your lives together.  You may never actually meet but in the Spidaa’s mind you are it’s mate.  The Spidaa even announces it to everyone and maybe even tries to meet your parents.   You start getting love notes. You get Valentine Cards in the middle of August.

The Rooster Spidaa

This is the Spidaa that is most like you.  You may even be attracted to this Spidaa at first.  This Spidaa is chasing you but wants you to think you are chasing it.  The Spidaa will banter with you and try not to give you the upper hand.  Unfortunately, if you fall into this Spidaa’s web, you can end up with bruises or worse. They tend to get physical and abusive.

The Crazee Spidaa

This is a scorned Spidaa from every category.   Like I wrote before , the Obsession has turned from adoration to bitterness.  This Spidaa becomes your own terrorist.  You are ground zero for their attacks on your character and on your person.  The only way to get away from this Spidaa is to have a throw down or to Run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So as you go out into the wonderful world of clubbing and bar crawling hoping to find the one for life or the one for the night…..watch for the Spidaas…or they will get you!!!!!

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