Walking Away


I was at my Happy place on Saturday night at  Marlena’s . I was so excited.  My best friend was there. Ana Mae Cox, fresh from the big Coronation festivities was going to do a number and looking like a Princess.  My dear Haus of Coxxx family members were there.

I got the message on face book while I was standing at the bar.  One of my childhood friends had just been released from the ICU. He had suffered a stroke during a diabetic seizure  last week and we thought he was going to die.  The message said he has been moved out of the ICU and is eating.  A watershed of emotions filled up inside of me.

My Marsha, this sweet woman who is like a sister of mine is on the verge of losing her battle to cancer anytime now. Her mother and father have gone to be with her.  I want to be there but can’t yet. I may not have a chance to say goodbye.

I get a phone call from someone who needs some cash.

There is drama going around me in the bar and people are sharing and I want to help and support them but it is dizzying and I feel empty.

My own personal life is turmoil.

I needed to breathe.  Without notice to anyone I walked out of the busy bar and sat on the bench outside. I just wanted to rest and to clear my mind.  Many people were arriving dressed in the the regalia of the Coronation activities. The bar was getting more crowded and the last thing I wanted to do was wend my way through the crowds.

A taxi pulled up in front of me. I waved to the driver and stepped in and we drove back to the Castro.

Before I knew I was sitting alone on a table by the front windows of the Toad Hall.  I was enjoying being alone. Soon some guys next to me were chatting me up.  Then I get a phone call from my best friend asking where I was because everyone was looking for me or at least wondering where I had gone.

I suddenly realized I did not tell anyone I was leaving.  Naturally he was a little miffed but he was supportive and told me that he understood.

I was able to gather my thoughts and process my feelings. Sometimes walking away is the best thing.  However, it is always best to tell someone that you are leaving.

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