Looking Back and Leaving It All There

I know this is supposed to be a time of deep reflection and an evaluation of one’s life this last year and perhaps a resolve of things to be done next year. I am not feeling it. Well, I guess I am not feeling it in the traditional sense.

Last year was chaotic in some ways with unexpected turns for me mostly in my personal life. In my professional and community life, it was a stellar year and that momentum continues. In my personal life, I have been going through some grounding. It is like I have been on this trip with Pinocchio and the Lost Boys, (or is that Peter Pan?) since my break up of a couple of years ago. I have been on some wild adventures and have lost myself in all of it.

Now I have felt the slow return to my former self, a little more wiser but definitely changed. I am still peeling off the skins of Neverland and planting myself back into the reality of life that I want back with all its wonderful normalcy and routine.

Love has found me. However, I have done a careful dance with it. This is to mainly protect my heart. However, the ice is melting and my heart is falling into the warmth of all of it and I am feeling happiness. I feel peace.

So Neverland is becoming less and less appealing to me. It’s pull weakens and like other fairy tale places will soon vanish into books of memories on the heavy shelf to be taken out to be enjoyed for the occasional visit .

So as I look back at 2011, most of everything I am leaving there. Those experiences are simply there to be cherished for bringing me to where I am now. However, I do not need to carry them with me.

I will make goals for 2012 but they will now include a whole new life of possibilities I never would have imagined, that requires me only to look forward and never to look back.