My Own Love Affair

What is good sometimes about being under the weather for a couple of days and being stuck at home is having time to think.  There is something really great about taking the clutter and distraction out of one’s mind.  You find yourself getting centered.  Your body heals and in some ways your soul does, also.

In this month when romantic love is celebrated and will crescendo on February 14th,  I admit wholeheartedly that my search most of my life has been for that wonderful love.  I have had a couple of great love affairs in my life.  They did not last.  One ended because I came out.  Yes, it was with a woman and there was love, but it can only go so far when you are a gay man. However, it was still a great love affair that lasted many years.

The second was with a man.  This was truly the love affair of my life where I was living my authentic self.  It also lasted for may years.  However, like many loves that are not nurtured properly, they can break. Ours did. So did my heart.  It has taken a while for mine to mend after that one.

There have been others where my heart was there for them but theirs were not for me. Others were for me but mine were not for them.  It can be frustrating, this quest where you are trying to find love that is mutual that grows into something beautiful and long lasting.

Then there are the others who are simply casual encounters to fill in the loneliness or the physical need to be with another person.  It is all on a physical plane which is not bad but it is so temporary.

Then there is the love of self. This is the one that I have worked on the most lately and have come to the best place at in my life.  During these past couple of days, I realized that I am more at peace with who I am than ever before.  This has made me more open to what may lie ahead as to that love of another.

Was is really funny, is that I am not anxious for romantic love.  It is more this feeling that I am ready to explore it , if the opportunity presents itself.  In the meanwhile, Valentines’ Day may just mean a box of chocolates for me from me…and that’s all right.  My own love affair.

6 thoughts on “My Own Love Affair

  1. I can totally and wholeheartedly relate to where you are coming from and how you feel. I, too, am at peace and working on loving myself more after having focused more on the relationship or signicant other. It feels good :)Thank you for posting!

  2. JP as someone who knew you long ago as Herbert, I have seen you grow into the wonderful man you truly are! I learned long ago that if I didn’t have self love no love would ever be right. I feel truly blessed to have known you all these years and to see you become the man who not only has self love, but shares that love with so many!

  3. Great post! I especially love how you have embraced the love of self. This has been an on-going practice of mine for the last several years. And as I move away from self-care and self-love in times of stress, I find that I lose myself more and more. Now I try to make it a daily ritual. I hope you have a beautiful day, and thanks for including my blog in your related articles. Rae from Art of Collecting Yourself.

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