Last night before going to sleep, I just laid awake in my bed and thought about my day and also about my life. Of course, my children came to mind as they always do. Missing them is becoming more acute as I have not seen them in some time. Phone calls are not enough. Also , the same goes for my family back home in Guam. I am going through a major job transition soon which has put a major constraint on all my financial resources where there has been no breathing room in the first place.
It is the first time in my life where I have not had had a significant other in my life where such major life changes have been going on and it has been an adjustment for me. I wouldn’t say I am lonely because I do have friends but there is an element of it.
Yet, I am on the cusp of great opportunity for me. I see it and I can feel it. Yet as I lay on my bed last night, I find that that in the moment my heart is wistful for days when these dreams where shared with someone I loved deeply. I was not feeling pity but just this feeling of wanting something more in my life.
It is in these moments that I see my desires in their raw honesty. As social as I am, what I want eventually is a settled life with someone I love. It has always been that way.
Until that time I have a lot to work on career wise and personally. There will be more moments to reflect and to listen to music that sends the heart away to dreams of love in the future.